Home Musings

I don’t pretend to understand what has happened to me to put me in the place I am in life.  It is not the place I ever intended to be by age 48.  I am writing from my bed, because at this time I cannot walk. I say ‘at this time’ because I have no intentions of this being permanent.  I have been saying for 2 years that I want the therapy I need to walk again, and I have been fighting for it as hard as I know how.  Unfortunately life has not complied.  I am now having both physical and occupational rehab, but it is only two days a week.  Eleja and Antonio are both wonderful and are helping me as much as possible.  I will post all updates on my condition in the Things I Have Done category.

For now I am home, and that was a huge deal.  I may not always be happy, but I am always happier here than I was at Riverview.  That is a blog or 12 in itself!  I am trying to adjust being here, and at times it is difficult and I lose it and cry.  I don’t cry for empathy, or attention, or any other reason than I have been through so much trauma since January 31st of 2010.  That can make the strongest person in the world drop to the ground…I promise it can!

So, I try not to lose control, because when I cry I cannot seem to stop for 30 minutes or longer.  It is so frustrating when one of my CNAs is here and I cannot stop crying.  I know they want to help, but when I am upset I want to be left ALONE!!! As time goes on I know the crying jags will not be as sudden or severe, and that is definitely something I look forward to.  For now, I just take each day as it comes…for what else can I do?  I have no control of the hours that pass, do I?

Where am I now, on Tuesday, March 13, 2012?  Home. Home Sweet Home!!!